In keeping with my new resolution to read more favorites and classics from the motherland, I finished Alice in Wonderland today. I didn’t commit to Through the Looking Glass and that was a mistake, because apparently I missed all the best parts, including “The Walrus and the Carpenter.”

Here’s what I have to say about Alice’s narrator: he’s on crack. Or maybe I should say that the people who champion this book/story as an all-time classic are a little wonky. It’s like reading Dr. Seuss, only without any plot or real ending. It’s not a real book. AT ALL.

The whole story is a lot easier to read when you imagine a bunch of little kids sitting around listening to it. Then it makes perfect sense. Things just happen without any cause and without much effect. Sometimes there are rules, sometimes not. It’s more fun to wonder what ridiculous thing is going to happen next than to wonder what the point is. Because there is no point, other than entertaining kids.

I cracked the code. I should be working at Cambridge. And also I should be making decisions about how Barnes & Noble markets their books, because this one should not be included in the grown-up’s classics rack. It should be in the kid’s section and it should have a lot of pictures in it.

I’m not impressed, Alice. Take your flamingo and beat it.

PS: Thank you to everyone for your suggestions. Keep ’em coming. I’ll take ’em anytime.

Alice, You Are Ridiculous
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